April 29, Kate K. As far grad bad dates went, this one was grad. Though really, this was not my fault, as he had decided to come that way.
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I cringed internally, absolutely perplexed at how he thought this had been a good date or that there was any chance I was getting in that Uber with him. I batted his hand away. My date conceded and I left. Needless to say, there was not a second date. I like to be private with my dating life, so I try to keep it outside my professional circles.
Unfortunately, as an MD-PhD student that means I shy away from anyone involved in medicine, healthcare, or science which at times has seemed like the entire eligible dating population of Cambridge and Boston. The silver lining to this is that most people I date have no clue what a centrifuge is and have never set foot in a lab. However, while it may rescue me from the occasional bad date, being a Biology graduate student dating from the pool of non-scientists can be problematic.
The biological systems you work with dictate your schedule — some cell lines need to student split every day and some mouse cancer models progress rapidly and randomly, leaving you dissecting tissue samples or wasting away in the flow cytometry core at odd hours of the night.
I have wanted to be a doctor since Grad was old student to speak and a physician-scientist from the second I discovered it was an option. Despite my passion for my work, I have always carved out dedicated time for those whom I love — family, friends, and even romantic interests.
Thankfully, my family and friends are exceptionally supportive and have not only accepted but have embraced my lifestyle. He dating read and edited every proposal I have ever written, helped me talk out ideas and theories, and even excitedly come in to attend lab group meetings when he is in town. My friends are no different either — most, if not all, have been to lab with me — either virtually dating Facetime or in person to hang out, eat pizza, or even come to lab meetings.
For a while I bitterly believed and accepted this as my fate. However, eventually it dawned on me that this was completely at odds with the other relationships in my life. My family and friends embraced me, supported me, student cheered me on in my pursuits. I knew I would probably have to kiss a lot of frogs to find my scientific prince charming, but this realization gave me newfound hope in the dating search and I was determined not to settle.
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I have never viewed science as a career — it is a vocation, a lifestyle. It bleeds into all facets of your life and the lives of your loved ones. I have begun to realize that if they truly care about you, they will come to learn the background noises of the flow cytometry core, the hum of a sterile hood, the read more of an ethanol bottle being sprayed, or the crinkle of plates being opened.
They will wait for you in the car when things go wrong at the last minute and let you make it up to them with Chipotle. They will affectionately tease you about your mice and weird hours but ultimately accept you as you are.
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They will love you because of your passion, not despite it. And, even in the middle of the night, they will offer to come to lab with you just to keep you company. And, to your surprise, they will continue to do this even after months of dating.
They will be engaged not necessarily because they like science, but because they know it is important to you. They will celebrate your success with you and be there to hug you tight when you fail. And in the midst of all of this, one night, you will glance over at them napping at your desk while you finish up experiments, and you will smile to yourself realizing that there was always hope for love and that prince charming dating exist, even for a Biology graduate student.
Pre-COVID pandemic: Pictured here is our newer lab centrifuge which has a timer and stops by itself, unlike our older model. Masks were actually in fashion before the pandemic for me — the stylish mask pictured in the image was to prevent mouse allergies sadly it did not work.
Experimenting with love
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