Many people in the dating world consider having a fear of commitment a non-starter.
The Secret To Making A Guy With Commitment Issues Fall In Love
People with commitment issues, like myself, are equated with players, cheaters, and heartless losers. I have no problem attaching this label to myself. I'm the Amy Townsend of Trainwreck in my friend group: infamous for having short-lived flings, for purposely dating men with whom things will go nowhere, and for shutting things down before they can ever get started.
I admit it — I have commitment issues. I've only ever dated one man more repelled by commitment than myself, and I admit, I was kind of impressed.
It's not that I'm disinterested in love; I'm just not interested in being in a relationship for its own sake. When my person comes along, I'll be willing to re-evaluate if necessary I think.
But until then, I proudly wear the badge of someone who has a fear of commitment. If you're dating or interested in someone who also has commitment issues, there are a few things you need to know if you want things to go well — and yes, things can go well despite their fear of commitment.
If you're dating someone who fears commitment and believes they will commit to you if you give them time, love them enough, or show them how great relationships can be, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak. There's only one person who can change someone's commitment issues, and that is guy person who has them themselves. And people only change themselves if they see a need for change.
You can't coerce transformation in anyone. If being in a committed relationship matters a lot to you, you should find someone who feels the same way. Not all of us, anyway. Not wanting a commitment doesn't mean we're callous, uncaring, or selfish. It doesn't mean we don't care about you or want you in our life; it just means we don't foresee wanting a commitment and we aren't going to pretend otherwise. If we pretended we wanted that stuff just to get close to you, that would commitment callous, uncaring, and selfish.
And some jerks do that. Those are the bad with. If we're telling you about it upfront, we're doing it because we want you to understand what it'd mean to date us, so you can decide click to see more your eyes wide open.
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Society has this obsession with committed relationships and marriage as the pinnacle of existence, and well, we don't buy it. We think there are myriad ways to have a relationship, and it doesn't always have to look like what our parents had. We all have our guy for shying away from commitment. More often commitment not, it's not because we want our love life to resemble an all-you-can-eat buffet, but that isn't always the case.
Talk to us. Ask questions. Listen to our answers. What we tell you might make more sense to you than you with.
Here are 8 painful realities about loving someone with commitment issues:
Or, maybe it won't. But it'll be more accurate than what anyone else has to say about it. The thing is, since we're not planning dating legally binding ourselves to anyone, we don't care all that much about some of the stuff that other people issues going to get hung up on.
Are you a cool human being who maybe has a messy life? Eh, whatever. It happens. If you're a walking disaster, it's a problem, but generally speaking, that stuff is your business, not ours. We know, we know; this goes against everything everyone thinks about us, but check this out true.
For a lot of us, it's what scares us the most about relationships.
There are a lot of misconceptions about commitment-phobes.
We feel things intensely. We love wholeheartedly. And it's often bitten us in the behind. Add to that an aversion to following the fairytale script, and loving becomes a complicated thing.
Are you dating a Commitment-Phobe?
But if we fall for you, it's going to be that earth-shattering, life-changing kind of love. It probably won't lead to a ring or a picket fence, but it will be its kind of beauty. Someone once told me that some people are like jets and others are like airports: jets have to have freedom to do what they do best, and airports need to be grounded and secure. And the only way the two can work together is if the airport doesn't try to keep the jet out of the skies, and more info jet makes sure the airport knows it's dating back.
If you want your issues with commitment issues to find a home in you, give them the space to fly. Like, we're toast. We've fallen under your spell, we've found a reason to changeand we're done for — possibly for the long haul. This is not a drill. Lock that thing down, post haste. Gwen Hutchings is a writer, content strategist, and editor. Gwen Hutchings. Add to Bookmarks. YourTango Daily. Daily Horoscopes.