I recently started seeing a guy who has been divorced for newly year. I figured if he wanted to share details with me, then he would, so I left it at that. In the 6th week, he became less responsive and stopped initiating texts. So I waited a few days and then politely checked-in with him. To my surprise, he responded that he just check this out something casual.
That said, when I went to drop something off and wish him well, he kissed me, looked into my eyes, held me and was still seemed very much into me. Sex is so intimate. He said he had a really had a nice time. He seemed interested, so can someone want something and not be ready?
Divorce can create that fear, depending on the situation. I can see being blindsided by someone suddenly falling out of love with you while you still deeply love them creating that fear, for sure. Also, sex is not an intimate thing in general to most guys. I say most because it is to some, for sure, but I have way too many guy friends, hearing what they talk about, to think guys in general really care about an emotional attachment to who they sleep with.
He has to fix the fear on his own and also feel ready.
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It sounds like you do have a connection with him, but you might have overestimated his ability to commit right now and he might have at the beginning, too. The good news is… this likely has absolutely nothing to do with you or your connection with him. Hopefully he contacts you when he is or hopefully you find someone you like even better in the meantime.
You can still ask him about that, about what man shared with you. He brought it up to you, must be something meaningful to him, something he will want to talk to you about? Such a talk or a series of talks can answer the questions you brought up in your post.
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After all, better approach the source of information first, when you want answers. When we had our last conversation during the time I went to drop dating off and wish him wellwe talked and I asked him if I did something to turn him off. He told me that I was sweet, kind, generous, smart, attractive — but that it was just how he was dealing with everything. Maybe I did overestimate his ability to be available and commit. If not, then you drop it.
I also thought a year was enough time and that he was dating, it showed he was ready. I really appreciate you taking the time to share how you felt and what you went through. I hope his work trip allows him to take some time to sort things out. In the meantime, I can just focus on me and maybe just take a break from dating myself for a little while. I appreciate you taking the time to answer my post. Maybe he is afraid — it seems like that may be the case. I just care about about him and want to be understanding. That can definitely happen, too there are some people that are comfortable with a relationship level of commitment but moving toward any deeper commitment than that causes them to run.
I hope this trip that he is on allows him some alone time to do some thinking. You are welcome. But for many, more so men than women, it is a physical act, an act of biological attraction, build up and release. Nothing personal.
You do have the right to ask a man about what sex means to him and you are entitled for an honest answer, an answer consisting of words and actions, both. Thank you for helping me try to make sense of it.
Thanks for the compliment — you seem like you do as well. Weirdly enough what started out as me trying to understand him has led me to try to better understand myself. Thank you for your response. What you said actually helped a lot.
He came across as very sincere and respectful since the moment I met him. Plus he told me, when we last spoke, that I meant more than just sex to him, which led me to believe man I mattered more than just a biological release to him — meaning he liked me too and thereby contributing to my confusion.
What happened is that you assumed things instead of asking. But the fact that he was previously married does not in itself indicates he was not afraid to commit newly or is not afraid now.
Maybe he got cold feet after getting married, as in: what have I done??? When I "newly" that you ask a man questions, Newly do not mean to ask in an interrogative way, like in a police interrogation with bright light directed in his face and so forth. There are ways to ask in a casual tone of voice, gently but also make the questions clear and direct, for the purpose of gathering information you have to have so to not be confused.
To say the right things in the right way to one particular person, you have to know who that person is, what motivates him, what scares him, what his life is like. To know these things you have to ask questions and listen to his answers man lack dating uk gay free sites. You have to observe him over time in different contexts.
To not assume, or if you do assume, to check your assumptions by asking and observing, then filing his answers and observations and continue to learn who he is, over time, comparing new information with the separated, listening to what he says and observing what he does. Also, people are often conflicted, having contradictory motivations, this is why their behavior is confusing, confusing until we learn what the conflicting motivations are.
The most conflicting motivations in the context of relationships is the need and desire to have a relationship on one hand, and the fear of it on the other. In the desire to have a relationship, men and women are often not most honest, behaving in certain ways so to attract the other person, to keep the person interested, appearing in a way that is not most authentic. Maybe I did assume too much even if he was showing signs that he was interested at the time. Better resist the chemistry and spark and get to know a man while not being sexually involved with separated, for at least 6 weeks.
After six weeks or so, evaluate: are we still motivated to see each other, free hookup sites no credit card needed we still sharing about our lives, listening to each other with interest, wanting to know more? Then take it from there. Better find that out before. I totally agree with what Anita just said. Sometimes the chemistry you feel is just sexual and sometimes you seem to have so much in common because they are just telling you what they think you want to hear and some are very good add it, asking all kinds of questions, seemingly trying separated get to know you.
However, if someone is TRULY interested and in it for the potential of a long-term relationship, they will have no problem with dating more slowly. I am really grateful for your reply as you really confirmed my already strong convictions. Unfortunately, I do man have much success in finding a man who respects that. I believe in friendships before any physical contact. Dating always refuse the kiss in the first weeks of meeting and it always ends there. He is a cop. He picked me up from my place and I asked where exactly I would like to go out.
I said I prefer if he chooses a place. In that moment he proposed dating appartment. I refused and proposed a coffe place on town. My heart sunk. He can only invite me to his place for coffee as his reputation is separated for him and people might see us in public. Apparently only 1 week left till divorce. I did not know how to react.
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I was really disappointed. I proposed a short walk outside of his building but he insisted to visit him. He seemed nervous and smoked a lot of cigarettes. Did not want to talk too much about his divorce, although I asked a few questions. Anyways, he tried to touch and kiss me but I told him that it should have a meaning for me and for now it is too fast. I also added that we can stay friends for now and get to know eachother but he replied that he wants cuddles and fun and that he is afraid of women.
We ended our meeting on a friendly note with a big hug.
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Then he brought me back home and we parted. Would you react differently? What should I do next? Is it ok to call or text him now to find out if he got divorced? Also, I know that when dating we should wait with sex but what about a kiss? Sometimes I feel that I am too strict and overthinking. But in any nv vegas speed las dating, if prudence is so important to him, he could have waited for a week or two more.
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