Scheduled Date Nights

Less than a year ago, I could scarcely remember what going on a first date felt like. But I was about to find out. My husband and I had separated after eight years of marriage, which meant that suddenly, for the first time in my after as a parent, I had two free nights a week to do as I pleased. The sad burrito routine got old pretty quick, though.

I started after out with friends and having fun instead. Before I knew it, I felt ready to put myself out there — out into whatever the modern dating world unexpectedness!

speed dating swansea casual like for single moms. All I knew was that it would involve apps and set-ups and divorced men. And that I might want to buy a new razor. Aside from that, I was clueless. For the first time in dating long time, I felt ballsy. I wanted to embrace this new freedom. In marriage, the freedom aspect felt like the only perk of going through a difficult separation.

Truthfully, it was a pretty big perk. I got on Bumble and told friends to set me up. I was only 33 at the time. After all, I wanted to make connections and have new experiences. I said yes to blind dates, to marriage and dating to town swiping.

When I started going on first dates, I was surprised by how quickly I became interested in some learn more here the men I met. It was likely because I was at a point in my life where I was open to whatever kind of chemistry might come my way. I met a man I had an instant connection with.

We had passion, and that felt like life being breathed back into my fireless soul. Without giving thought to how quickly it all dating happened, I fell crazy in love. Practically as soon as we met, we started spending all our spare time together. It after like being lit up and finally being able after rest all at the same time. From whatever my kids were struggling with to how difficult it was for my ex-husband to know that I was in a serious relationship, I felt constantly torn and conflicted in ways I had never really experienced.

At times, it was like playing tug of war with my old and new selves, trying to figure out how to balance love and practicality. Either way, before I knew it I was in deep.

Now, here I was, a separated mother of two, acting like a teenager and feeling like one! When connection comes, operating from your head instead of your heart becomes a near impossible feat. I got hurt. That is not an accurate way to describe how I truly felt in the aftermath of my first post-marriage breakup.

Because the truth is, when we hit a hard place and ultimately broke up, I was beyond devastated. I cried click hard behind the closed door of my bedroom each time my kids went to sleep after I had to drag myself out of bed early and hold an ice-pack to my face each morning.

Nothing about this loss felt familiar. And the shock of it all was very real, mostly because I thought I had been so prepared. Post-marriage me was supposed to have known better. I was the mother to two children who needed me and, though I found ways to get through the days, I was guilt-ridden at being this weaker version of myself.

Because it had made even the hard things feel easy. In a way, post-marriage love was almost like falling in love for the first time. Hard, fast and nearly impossible to let go of. On my off-duty nights, when my kids were with their dad, I stayed on my couch. But either way, I needed time to get to marriage who I was in the walk of life and what I needed from another person. I needed time alone, and I certainly took it. But when it came to dating, I realized I would likely need more trial and error.

More love and loss. And all of that meant eventually making myself vulnerable again. My post-marriage dating experience had been amazing at first, yes. But then it had been brutal. Somehow, I had found that bravery once, though. Deep down, I knew it was still there. After a few months of grieving that first heartbreak, I decided to get brave again. It required time and energy and getting your hopes up. And then, if things crumble, you still have to get up every day and dating a parent.

The truth was, I was still hopeful. On my first few dates back, I started to take notice of little things about myself. I noticed what made dates comfortable or uncomfortable. I saw my habits and ingrained patterns more clearly. I also felt like I was becoming an expert on myself, on learning who I was now and what that meant for me in terms of building new relationships, too. Can't afford to contribute? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.

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Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages. When those good connections came again, and they did come, I let them. But I also made efforts to stay planted in my own life. I kept seeing my marriage and made dating just see more to do on the side. I knew I might. But the further I got from marriage and the heartbreak that followed it, the more I understood that I was already happy to stand on my own two feet.

Knowing I was truly fine on my own meant that anyone who came along would be just a bonus. In the end, I realized that dating, post-marriage, could be more amazing than I hoped and more painful than I imagined. Article source takes work, it takes knowing yourself, it takes patience and readiness, and maybe a few earth-shattering breakups.

What I Wish I Knew About Finding Love Again After My Marriage Ended

Maybe that resilience is the blessing that comes with dating after a marriage, with loving and losing. Because I have been utterly broken, yet I am still so full of hope at what might be out there for me. I am all three, and growing all the time. Have a compelling first-person story you want to share? Send your story description to pitch huffpost. Main Menu U. Dating U. Politics Joe Biden Congress Extremism. HuffPost Personal. NEW: Games. International U. Follow Us. Terms Privacy Policy.

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