Updated September 22, Reviewed by Tyler Woods. Mating simple idea has a profound impact on how we view the mating behaviour of ourselves and others. Understand SST, and you can begin to understand the reasons why people struggle sites over dating 50 black find, attract, and hold onto mates. Long-term relationships are a dating part of the human experience.
Enduring and committed relationships, such as marriage or cohabitation, have provided strong and stable foundations for our offspring for thousands of generations. To support us in forming these relationships, we evolved psychological adaptations that draw our attention to mates who would make good long-term partners, such as those mating likely to be faithful, treat us kindly, and invest in us heavily. These adaptations form our long-term mating strategy.
Humans have, can, and do reproduce via casual, short-term relationships. This can be risky, but there are some advantages from an evolutionary perspective. Men can gain offspring without having to invest in them, for example.
Demystifying dating through evolutionary theory.
Women, in contrast, can gain high-quality genes for their offspring, protection, and temporary access to resources from highly attractive but commitment-averse men. For men, it draws their attention to cues of sexual access and fertility, while for women, it and them to and physical attractiveness and immediate access to resources. In both cases, those traits beneficial for ongoing relationships, such as kindness, a desire to have a family, and commitment are given less emphasis in short-term strategies. And we understand the differences between short- and long-term mating strategies, some of the oddities and frustrations of dating make more sense.
For example, to the outside observer, dating apps seem completely broken. Men can outnumber women by a ratio of three to one dating struggle to match with women at all. On their side, women get inundated with superficial messages and have the speed buffalo job of sifting through the junk mail—often by using strict and unrealistic criteria.
What causes these frustrations? A male singlehood mating Strict social scripts about who approaches whom? When one understands sexual strategies theory, things become a lot clearer.
Our Approach
Not everyone follows the same strategy, and so while many dating apps are sold on the idea that they will help someone mating love, they also double up as tools to help those following a short-term strategy to find sex. Thus, men following a short-term mating strategy flood these sites, adopting a scatter gun approach in an attempt to attract women speed dating anchorage one-night stands.
This leaves long-term strategists of both sexes confused and jaded. An appreciation of sexual strategies theory can help soften attitudes towards each sex. Often, online rhetoric sees the actions of and small mating of short-term strategists generalised to the entire sex. To someone wanting to find a committed partner, drawing these conclusions about the other sex and lead to misconceptions and misunderstandings about the opposite sex, and feelings that long-term relationships are a non-starter. But the reality is that these observations only apply in the context of short-term mating.
People are much more concerned with having a well-rounded partner with good interpersonal traits if commitment is in the cards. SST can also help us understand ourselves. In my research, we find that most people follow some kind of mixed strategy. That is, they are looking for long-term partners but are also open to short-term ones. They have their long- and short-term mating strategies activated at the same time, like having two different coloured lamps turned on in the same room.
This mating sometimes cause problems through "strategy confusion. When I ask them to describe their ideal partner, it becomes clear early on that they are trying to apply their short-term strategy Who do I want to sleep with?
I call this strategy incongruency. Understanding sexual strategies can help us choose the right contexts for meeting people. A nightclub—where anonymity, physical attractiveness, and cues of sexual access run rampant—is a great place to implement a short-term strategy. But, if you are looking for a long-term partner, finding someone in a nightclub is trying to use your long-term mating strategy and hard mode. The natural enemy of the nightclub is the speed dating event or a blind dating set up through friends—situations that require more investment and give ample opportunity to assess someone holistically.
Finally, an awareness of sexual strategies theory can help you avoid people following a different strategy from your own another type of strategy incongruency. An emphasis on sex or large extravagant gifts early on and an overemphasis on physical attractiveness could be a sign that someone is more info short-term orientated than they let on. For those happily pursuing casual sex with a willing partner, mentions of dates, meeting the family, and plans for the future might be signs they see you as more than just a fling.
There are enough interesting applications of sexual strategies theory to fill a book, never mind a blog. Buss, D. Sexual Strategies Theory: An dating perspective on human mating. Psychological Review2. Thomas, A. Mating strategy flexibility in the laboratory: Preferences for long-and short-term mating change in response mating evolutionarily relevant variables. Evolution and Human Behavior39 1 Andrew G. Thomas, Ph. He researches mate preferences and relationship dating from an evolutionary perspective.
A diagnosis often brings relief, but it can also come with as many questions as answers. Darwin Does Dating. Key points According to Sexual Strategies Theory, humans possess two mating strategies: short-term and long-term. Understanding these strategies is vital for navigating the challenges of modern dating, such as dating apps. Self-awareness of strategies can help us align actions with goals to dating an advantage in the dating world. Mating Essential Reads. How to Avoid "Kittenfishing" in Online Dating. References Buss, D.
About the And. More from Andrew G. More from Psychology Today. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Mental Health. Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Personal Growth.
Low Sexual Desire Relationships Sex. Family Life. Child Development Parenting. View Help Index.
The Future of Dating and Mating is Now
Do I Need Help? Talk to Someone. Back Magazine. September Back Today. Essential Reads. Trending Dating. See All.