Dating as check this out woman can be hard enough, but dating as a woman of colour WOC adds a layer of challenges and complexities.

As an Asian womanI find myself wondering if a man will have an interest in me because I'm Asian or if he'll only be interested in me because I am Asian and he has girls ' Asian fetish' or what some term 'yellow fever. I've had friends try to play Cupid between me and a friend of theirs, making comments like, "He's never dated an Asian before but you kind of look like asian ex who was white" or "You have to meet my friend, he has a thing for Asians!

I'm expected to feel honoured that their friend is likely to choose me, to want me and I'm tired of having to overthink the role my Asianess plays in whether I dating be appealing or desirable to men. Growing up, I never felt that my Asian identity and my Vietnamese roots were something I could take pride in. Or minding my business and having young white men drive past in their car and asian out "Ni hao" at me. Or sitting there in discomfort as people would put on an Asian accent and expect me to join in on the laughter. I'm still on a journey of reclaiming my connection to where I come from and embracing this part of myself and my story.

While my cultural identity is important to me, I don't want my race to always be what people asian me for. There is so much more to me. I want someone to get to know me for who I am as a whole and unique individual, not based on preconceived stereotypes, hopes and fantasies they may girls of Asian women, leading me to feel like I mean nothing to them and am just another person on their checklist. I'm tired of wondering if the man I'm talking to is interested in getting to know me for me or girls he has a history of dating Asian women exclusively.

As I mention in my book Safe Space, "An Asian fetish — commonly referred to as Yellow Fever — is typically where men engage in relationships with Asian women as largely influenced by their preconceived beliefs, hopes and stereotypes of what we are like. An Asian fetish plays into the assumption that Asian women are sexual, submissive and subservient. This desire for girls is based on control and power. It's treating us as voiceless objects rather than individuals with agency. The image of Asian women that prevails is that we're sweet, shy and softly spoken but can also be fiery, horny and sexual.

How to Ask an Asian Girl out According to an Asian Girl Herself

That we're there to serve one's every need and exist for white male consumption. That we're to be treated as hypersexual beings. That we're desired for being exotic and erotic.

I've been told that I can't prove that someone has an Asian fetish but for me, this is one of those things where asian have to trust your gut and reflect on how this person makes you feel, how they treat you and how they, and perhaps even those in their circle, perceive and speak about Asian women. I've spoken to, or dated, white men who have only dated Asian women or you look at who they're following on social media, and it's almost only Asian women. Of course, every situation requires nuance as someone may have a history of having had only Asian partners however this will not mean they have an Asian fetish — it could be true that each relationship was meaningful and they saw each partner as a human being worthy of love, dating and dignity.

I've dated men who had expectations dating me as the perfect Asian lover. I've dated men who thought it was comical to mock an Asian accent. I've dated men who showed me off like I was a prize and who made me feel I lacked a voice and agency.

Of course, some people say, "What if it's just their preference? Some dating apps even allow you to customise your dating experience down to ethnicity and filter people out or in based on their background. If anything, I wonder how many men I've matched with, spoken to and perhaps even gone on a date with had their Girls Asian filter on. Was I just a filter to them? Did they have any interest in getting to know me down to my core and who I really am? I've become exhausted with having to ponder on these things.

Whenever I've spoken about my experiences with Asian fetishisation, I always hear things, most commonly dating Asian men, like "What do you expect only from dating white guys? To that, I say there's a deep sense of click here and entitlement at play if we attempt to take agency away from Asian women and tell them who they should dating shouldn't be with.

We put Asian women in a difficult position when we tell them they should be with an Asian man and assume that Asian people can only be with and love Asian people or when dating tell them that they shouldn't be dating non-Asians because they are then whitewashed or a self-hating Asian.

I ask people to date for the person, not for an image you have in your mind asian who and what they should live up to. As an Asian woman, I want to feel that I deserve to, and will be, loved for who I am and not just purely based on my race.

Don't pursue or lust after us merely because of our race. On that same note, don't completely discount and disregard us on that same basis. Take the time to get to know girls and make your own judgement based on who we asian as individuals. I encourage you to leave your stereotypes, curiosities and racism at the door. Alyssa Huynh is the author of Safe Space — a book exploring the challenges she has faced as an Asian-Australian and those that made her the advocate she is today.

She offers practical advice to those who are victims of racism and wish to add their voice to the discourse. Leave a comment.

Post continues below. Alyssa Huynh. Listen Now. Or people pulling their eyes back and bowing at me to mock Asians. Or comments made by white men about how much they love Asian women.

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Or walking down the street and being asked "How much? And sadly, this isn't even all of it. As an Asian woman, I can say that racism and misogyny are so deeply intertwined. Feature Image: Supplied. Sign up to Mamamia Weekend Reads. Stories to indulge in, sent to your inbox every weekend. Sign up. Tags: dating relationships. Very Peri. True Crime. Before The Bump. Parent Opinion.