S tarting over after divorce at 45 is something I divorce planned for. Like many women, I dreamt of being married to a loving partner article source raising our children, and then playing with our grandchildren. The plan then was to remarry immediately and create an even more successful family. A newer, kinder, and richer man would share my burdens, handle the nasty divorce-related negotiations and shield me from shame and guilt.

Divorce would be a great stepdad and a father to more of my kids. That was my idea of a successful life for a woman starting over after divorce at The reality was different. I initiated my divorce without the prospect of a better husband at 43 and finalized it at divorce almost 2 years ago.

I think that my age gave me courage and motivation.

Motherhood In Midlife Divorce

And I was right. To illustrate, my Ex is already remarried and is verbally abusive to his new wife. I felt unsafe growing old with an abuser. My children turned into teenagers. I reckoned they needed a sane and hopefully happy mother to support them in their critical years. For me, like for many other women, divorce came as part of a midlife crisis. We let go of old patterns and look for new meanings. Divorce helps us transform in its brutal way. From a home-owner, a wife and a mother of two, a career-minded professional, I turned into a jobless divorced half-empty nester living with my parents.

There are lots of things to face in your life after divorce. At 45, I am looking for a job and even considering a new career. I am still working on healing my relationship with my children, looking to rebuild my connections with my friends, young women dating older men when it comes to my parents, I am looking at them in a new light.

Maybe most importantly: I am looking at myself. Who am I after all? What do I like doing, eating, watching? Whom do I like being with? The honest truth is that divorce at any age makes us feel grief and disappointment. They are different for dating woman and very much depend on core beliefs, culture, or religion.

I live in Moscow, and certainly here in Russia, women who have been married for a long time especially with children likely did it out of fundamental faith in the institution of marriage. Others consider marriage as the only safe and respectable way to raise children. I found myself deeply grieving and needing a longer, kinder adjustment time to my new reality.

The transformation from a wife in a nuclear family to a single mom with just one of the kids choosing to live with me caused deep guilt, shame, and an escapable feeling of being a failure. Despite my journey, I am now finding that starting over after divorce at 45 as a mother is not as bad as I thought.

I may have put some of my interests ahead of theirs when I divorced.

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However, I am still concentrating on other motherly jobs like taking care dating their education, their health, coordinating after, teaching them values and healthy habits, and demonstrating responsibility. I am learning how to continue their education with less money than we planned. It seems like my motherhood divorce is working. You are such a great mom. Whereas After planned for coparenting with a lot of coordinated decisions, I admit that I am happy with the parallel parenting with almost no contact and no arguing. Now, if I want my son to go to yoga, I just talk to my son.

Previously I had to get approval from my Ex and argue for yoga versus boxing or football. My current model saves me dating and energy. In my experience of starting over after divorce at 45, I want to single out a newfound responsibility. I am still getting used to being the sole decision-maker in many things.

Not only do I need to decide what to watch on TV but I also have to work out how dating turn the damn thing on! All this new responsibility and decision-making is stressful. The longer the marriage, the more stressful the new tasks. Many of us need to learn updated technology and computer skills, for example, if we hope to go out into the workforce.

This means allocating resources and time for the new learning. The result, however, can be empowering! I continue to make discoveries about my old way of life and my new one. For example, I am learning that while my Ex-husband pretended to share responsibility when we were married, he was in after controlling my activities and my hobbies, and my beauty-related spending.

Realizing that I was controlled for a long time was sad but now I feel even more liberated. Facing responsibility is empowering. And, being the only adult in my family, I can no longer blame a husband for the empty wine bottle or the undone bed. Divorce is a tough time financially. Moreover, high legal fees and multiple dating sessions are only part of the problem. The bigger part of the problem is that divorce takes away the confidence and energy necessary for work.

I still have days when all I can manage physically is to walk the dog and thank God for food delivery services.

A recently divorced friend in a high-power job confessed that she is only staying employed because of her ability to delegate to subordinates. Rebuilding finances can take even longer if you decide to change your career as part of the midlife crisis. Many women who were stay-at-home Moms are starting from scratch. It can take a few after to rebuild your life financially and professionally after a divorce, and it takes longer to rebuild ourselves emotionally and personally.

We need to recognize that, dating isle of wight our ambitions, and maybe watch fewer films where women are left better off after a successful divorce from a millionaire! I may not have a stable income now but I use it the way I see fit.

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I never imagined it would be possible to not date for such a long time, but it is easy. At the moment I am horrified by Tinder and other dating apps. Please click for source might consider apps later, but at the moment I am embracing singlehood. Right now, I like the idea of self-partnering, taking myself out for lunch or a walk. I have made myself available for girly events and organized some myself like a trip to a gallery or museum or a live music event.

And I am loving it. While I am enjoying my new single status, some friends seem to have a problem with it. Another possibility is that my friends are just jealous that I have my freedom and the whole bed to myself! The divorce experience and life after divorce can differ anywhere and within any country due to the difference between people, values, class specifics, or religious ideas.

Getting divorced in Russia meant that I had to go beyond the information provided in Russia, and rely instead on English-language resources about divorce, abuse, narcissistic abuse, coparenting, and how to rebuild myself. I am so grateful to have the skill of speaking different languages because it means I am not locked into one world.

Yet, while psychological or emotional advice in English was useful, I divorce to be careful with legal or financial information because of the differences with Russian law. I am sad to say that the Russian legal system does not after women enough either through a welfare system or by recognizing the impact of abuse.

As a single mother out of a job for ten months, I got next to nothing from the state in financial support. I have learned that in many countries, it can be similar; a woman needs to have sufficient savings and support of a family to live onward after divorce. I have also noticed that men in Russia in my social circles remarry quickly or enter into a new long-term relationship almost immediately after their divorces.

Conversely, women take time to rediscover who they really are and what it is they want. That discovery is precious and long overdue. Not bad at all. And as I look back at how much I have been through, I feel proud of myself.

Anna Ivanova-Galitsina is an international expert in communications and storytelling based in Moscow, Russia. She has two teenage sons and a dog, and she is building a new happier life. You can reach out to her via e-mail for comments or discussion. Whether you are navigating the experience of divorce, or that confusing place of recreating the life you deserve, one thing we see making a significant difference for women is the conscious choice to not do it alone. Sincesmart women around the world have chosen SAS for Women to partner them through the emotional, financial, and oft times complicated experience of divorce and reinvention.

SAS offers women six FREE months of email coaching, action plans, checklists, and support strategies for you, and your future. Join our tribe and stay connected.

So many similarities in my divorce as those in your story. I had a two year toxic divorce that was finalized in Dec and I just recently started working on myself. I drank alot of alcohol and please click for source and dabbled with drugs.

I lost my way spiritually and mentally. By using SAS for Women, you accept our use of cookies. Read about our Cookie Policy here. Facebook Pinterest Rss. Divorce as Part of a Midlife Crisis For me, like for many other women, divorce came as part of a midlife crisis.