It is a question now often gets raised in my work with people who are dating to find long-term partners. It feels, in many ways, that dating is the hardest it has ever been.
We’ve re-entered the era of blind dating
Modern dating means learning how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, standing firmly in your beliefs, and navigating the beliefs of others in very politically divided times—all the while cycling through the countless disappointments of app dating. These days, getting and staying motivated to date even when it feels hard—and people are difficult to deal with— is recognized as an achievement in and of itself. After suffering the collective trauma of the COVID pandemic, some of us rushed out to be social and get re-connected dating the world at large.
But others have grown accustomed to having their relationships and social communication take place from the comfort of their home and smartphones. A review of studies about anxiety and the pandemic showed social anxiety levels increased now pandemic restrictions lessened.
That means that regular social interactions, even with dating we know and love, have felt harder now for some people, especially those who suffered from general anxiety before restrictions were put in place. If those situations increase anxiety, think about how meeting new people or putting oneself out there for dating might feel. We often discuss ways for managing anxiety, or recognizing it in others, so now dates can go a bit more smoothly. Another source of stress for daters is finding people with whom they are politically aligned.
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Vaccination status became a political talking point where daters debated old women dating health and individual freedom. Racial tensions in the wake of George Floyd's murder in May have made daters hypervigilant when meeting new people and matching on the apps.
They want to dating partners who are sympathetic to their political ideologies and minimize their interactions with now with opposing views. As we move closer to the rematch between Donald Trump and Joe Biden, daters are weighing political affiliation more heavily when selecting now.
Historically, online dating has resulted in more interracial and interreligious relationshipsbut it remains to be seen how the apps will impact the rates of people selecting partners across political lines.
We may see further polarization—daters want to know where you stand on a wide range of issues.
Are Mutual Set-Ups Replacing Dating Apps?
Dating apps have responded to this need by adding features like profile badges and stickers that signal everything from vaccination status cheryl dating game today personal identities and causes that are not just important to daters, but non-negotiables in partnership. Do you take that extra step to bring up politics right when you match, or do you risk your time and energy on someone who you may not share the same values as you?
For a lot of daters, this layer of calculation is added to every dating swipe, which increases the energy expended on these decisions. For all of the potential source of technology bringing disparate daters together to form long dating love, the overall feeling about dating right now is defeatist.
Things feel particularly daunting in heterosexual dating. My male clients feel challenged by how to present themselves and are wary of what topics are off limits, being careful not to seem overly aggressive or creepy. They also experience fewer matches on the apps than women do, which can feel disheartening. I recently spun this as a positive to a client. He was distraught by how few now he was receiving, but I reminded him that as someone who has anxiety, maybe managing one to two connections a month was better for him in dating long run.
My female clients express disappointment in the men with whom they match, citing low communication engagement, ambivalence when it comes to commitment, and a general inability to be appropriately emotionally vulnerable. They do the work of sorting through matches only to be let down over and over again for what seem to be basic standards of dating. There are more challenges to starting the process as social barriers feel higher and higher.
There are also more ways to feel caught in a loop of trial and error as the tools we use for romantic connection only seem to find more ways to keep us apart.
If You’re Dating Right Now, You’re Brave
Many daters turn to trusted friends to help connect them to potential romantic partners. Or they take breaks from dating to refocus on themselves and their mental health.
Contact us at letters time. Join Us. Customer Care. Reach Out. Connect with Us. By Myisha Battle. Battle is a certified clinical sexologist and sex and dating coach, educator, and speaker. We welcome outside contributions. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of TIME editors. Home U. All Rights Reserved. TIME may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.