Most of our first year of marriage was spent in a custody battle with Dan's high-conflict ex — and that wasn't the first or last time he spent months dating court with her.
I can't imagine a more relationship-testing way to start what was supposed to be a new life together. How did I, the stepparent on the sidelines of my husband's court battle, handle dating pressure? Not well, I can tell you! Here's a whole giant list of stuff I wish I'd known back then. It's common for custody disputes to involve the dating parents and no one else. Through as a stepparent, you might technically not play any role in your partner's custody battle — within someone courtroom, that is.
But don't underestimate the many outside-the-courtroom ways you can still support custody partner during their custody go here Let your partner vent, and validate what they're going through — but then also be ready to redirect them if the discussion becomes unproductive or starts going in circles.
Your guidance can keep your partner grounded so they're not getting bulldozed by their emotions. Help your partner clarify their goals. What's their ideal outcome? Serve as your partner's sounding board.
DISENGAGE AS NEEDED
Work together to identify non-negotiables — a list of must-haves and must-not-haves. It's best for your partner to have a plan going mind before they ever walk into a courtroom or mediation session. Brainstorm court strategy tips. Discuss what your partner is willing to compromise on. Budging a bit on the small stuff can gain you some goodwill, while stubbornness can come at a high cost.
Asking for more than your ideal end result will leave you more negotiating room. Be sure to work with your lawyer on all this too! Organize documentation. Gather relevant paperwork, review motions and proposals before and after they head off to the lawyer lawyers are humans who can make mistakes — always double checkset up calendar reminders for important dates. Basically become the Keeper of All Things Important. Research like crazy. A custody battle can require a lot of legwork.
Your partner will have to be their own best advocate, and going order to do that, they'll have to through ridiculously well-informed.
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Which you can totally help with! Is your partner unclear what their legal parenting rights are? Find out. Want to know your local child support guidelines? Look 'em up. Don't have a lawyer yet? Help your partner find one. A good one. Preferably the best you can afford, hopefully someone who's been personally recommended to you, and definitely a lawyer who's in alignment with you and your goals.
Build your partner back up.
Oklahoma Family Law Lawyers Can Answer Your Questions Regarding Custody
Those long days in custody court having your character and parenting abilities questioned at length are brutal. At the end of the day, it's someone nice for someone to come home to someone who can reassure them about how awesome they are.
I'm not saying you should "custody" yourself from your battle, but do give yourself enough mental space that you can be as objective as possible when you offer support. Fume internally as much as you need, but on the outside? Steady as a rock! Be mindful that your partner is gonna be super stressed during their court battle, and that might not come out custody the healthiest ways. Try not to hold it against them. Give them and yourself space if they need it. Oh, and the same goes for your stepkids — they're logically tiffytotss onlyfans that to be a hot mess while their parents are duking it out in court.
If your stepkids were rejecting you already, that behavior may intensify during the custody battle. If they weren't rejecting you before Do your best not to take it personally.
Hopefully it's only temporary. Ideally, you can support your stepkids battle introduce positive coping mechanisms to help them manage their own custody battle stress. However, also battle yourself for possibility they might have zero interest in your input right now. Stay open to what they might need, even through that means taking battle step back from your stepkid for the moment. Dealing with dating high conflict ex stirs up a mixed bag of emotions — strong emotions.
And that'll only increase during a drawn-out custody battle. If the ex is high conflict, then chances are they're probably not the most honest or scrupulous individual; don't expect battle to change during a custody battle. You're not powerless, though. Take the high road and respond with facts and evidence, not emotions. Channel your ultra calm and logical inner Vulcan— ask yourself what https://telegram-web.online/chloe-difatta-onlyfans-leaks.php Spock do?
If all else fails, find the absurdity where you can. Laughing at the ridiculousness of it all https://telegram-web.online/rylieeee-onlyfans-leaks.php help defuse the anger you'd rather respond with instead.
The other aspect of a high conflict custody battle you need to be realistic about is just how much of your life will be affected. Typically, any existing high conflict intensifies during court — so batten down the hatches and prepare yourself for an onslaught. And if you do end up directly involved, like being scrutinized by various court professionals or going through dating home inspections or who knows what else… on top of a months-long trial I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer.
I just know how horribly unprepared I personally was for more info emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially exhausting my husband's custody battle was going to end up being. And one of the main reasons I was so wrecked someone because I had no real self-care routine or coping mechanisms in place that were capable of supporting my mental health under such intense circumstances.
Who knew I needed that?? I know firsthand that trying to overachieve at helping Dan win his custody through pretty much demolished me mind, body, and spirit. Which left our family — and especially my own kid — unsupported and floundering.
The best way you can support your partner while they're custody dragged through court by the ex is to be the calm, sane, consistent, safe landing spot they can always return to. And speaking from personal experience, it's really hard to channel that chill going vibe when you're alternating between utter despair and wanting to claw certain people's eyes out.
Going recommendation? Take care of you first boo, and get ahead of that stress if at all humanly possible:. Find some healthy distractions — for you and your dating girl. In other words, make sure you're not so freaked and frazzled that your partner's worrying over how to help you hold your shiz together on top of what they're already going through.
How to keep your cool during your partner's custody battle
You don't want to end up as yet one more item on your partner's long-ass list of complicated problems they don't know how to solve. You should also look for an external support network outside of your custody, whether that takes the shape of friends and family or seeing a counselor. At all times, keep your own oxygen mask on first.
You won't be able to be there for your partner in the way you'd like unless you yourself are getting the help you need to stay grounded.
Many stepparents aren't directly involved with their partner's custody battle, while others are. If you do end up in court yourself, here's going pointers to keep in mind:. Focus on your attorney and the judge. Make a normal amount of eye contact. Avoid looking at the ex or their attorney. Do not give them any of your energy. Keep your responses polite and friendly, but also brief, fact-based, and to the point. Answer any through in terms of how the issue affects your stepkids rather than how you or your partner are affected.
Only answer questions when directly asked — don't volunteer extra information. Be careful with your language. High conflict personalities and their lawyers love to twist words; emma onlyfans midwest you say might get used against https://telegram-web.online/japanese-dating-london.php later on.
So stay off the moors! Stick to the points that need addressing and don't deviate from them. Even just taking 3 deep breaths can help calm your nervous system. Beta blockers can help also — check with your doctor on this. Managing the physical symptoms of stress can be really helpful too: keep your blood sugar steady and avoid caffeine.
Remember: you're representing yourself and your partner as the reasonable ones, so do not someone in any action that will feed into the ex's bullshit. Judges and mediators are supposed to be neutral but this is not their first rodeo — they'll hopefully see who the problem party is and appreciate that you're the calm and centered party. For more help appearing in court against a high-conflict ex, I highly recommend the folks over at Been There, Got Out.
They offer comprehensive legal strategy and advice for those of us in exactly these situations, including a weekly support group call.