My partner is upset that he has no hobbies and doesn't like being with. July 13, AM Subscribe Last night, me and my partner ventured to a bar all social distanced dating sat outside! He responded by saying he felt like he had no hobbies, and when I'm not staying at his flat, he gets really lonely. What should I do? Me and my partner have a wonderful relationship, however, I have recently acknowledged that much of our social life read article involves visiting pubs and bars, whether that is alone or with family and friends, who are also all big social drinkers.
When I brought this up last night, as we walked home from an evening drink, I said we should try doing some other activities without alcohol to get in shape and, above with, just have fun trying new things. He responded to the above saying that he felt like he had no hobbies, and would sometimes drink alone out of bordem. He would also pick up extra shifts at work if he was on his own, as he was bored and didn't feel like he was interested in anything else. My hobbies are all quite introverted by nature, which I think has been a blessing during the lockdown.
I love to do art, study things I don't know about, I'm even part of a video game team that translates games that never made it out of Japan. I could kill hours and days having fun with the above, and when the night comes round a nice cold pint in my local pub is the icing on the cake.
He doesn't seem to have such hobbies, though I reminded him that he loves to cook new recipes, he enjoys playing piano, and he enjoys reading. But he said he doesn't feel invested in them and feels like he doesn't have anything he's interested in, which is why he drinks at home on his own.
What can I do? I just want him to be happy. I would be happy to go tee-total with he felt alcohol was a problem, as I love him and just want him to find things he is passionate about in live. We all have them, I told him. But for some people, it takes a little more trying new things to find the thing they truly care about. Final note: when I hit preview question, most of the "similar questions" are depression related Could it be that, and how would I broach it?
It does sound like something a depressed person would say, but that's not enough to go on yet. Ask your partner if he'd be willing to do some of them with you. See how it goes.
And if not, think dating some things you could do together, then do them. See how that works out. Encourage him to find purpose and goals and activities and diversions that make him happy; if that's not an option for him, encourage him to get help for whatever is preventing it physical or mental health, perhaps.
You can't make him happy. It's not your job, it only works temporarily, and it ends up breeding resentment on both sides. Your question to him was vague though. If you want to do different things together, think about what you would like to do with him and invite him click at this page. Don't get distracted by "he won't like this" or "he'll only do this once" or whatever.
You are responsible for your happiness so choose dating you want read article do; he is responsible for his happiness.
This sounds like something you should encourage him to fix rather than trying to do it yourself. Hobbies need to be things he picks himself or they're not going to stick.
If not depression related, this feeds right back into your suggestion that you guys try some new things. He has all the tools necessary to figure out some new things to try and he is charge of his own happiness, just like you.
But maybe he needs some kind of structure or motivation. Imagining for the purposes of this question that covid hobbies end. I came here to say what headnsouth said. It's not your job to find him things to do when you're not around. I mean that in the sense of "it is not another person's job to do this, he has to do it himself or it won't work and it won't someone. This is part of having a personality and being a well-rounded human, and you have to do it for yourself. However, what you CAN do as a partner is encourage him to do so, help normalize it because there's aspects of toxic masculinity here and it can feel "weird" or scary to step out of line and take care of yourself in this wayover-communicate if necessary about near-future plans and schedule so he learns to do the same and also not expect you to fill the holes.
This absolutely can be depression, but that hobbies is on him to identify as a potential issue and pursue a solution. You can ask about it rhetorically, like "have you considered talking to your doctor" and also "have you gone to a doctor this year?
People need more than one acquaintance in their lives. Your partner sounds depressed, could benefit from professional help, and should probably be told that by someone not necessarily you. It is not really clear whether the problem for you is link he drinks too much overall, or whether you just want to do different things as a couple, as was the original issue you brought up with him.
I mean: getting in a rut of going to bars is something the two of you can fix together, without touching the problem of how he drinks alone at other times because he's dating and bored. That's got nothing to do with why he drinks when he's with you, because he's not alone and bored when he's with you. He can drink himself to sleep every night alone, and still go to parks and play games or whatever sober when he's with you--right?
I mean, you asked him what he thought about doing other activities with youand he changed the conversation to be about what he does alone. This is either an irrelevant distraction -- he's his own man, if drinking is his only private hobby, so be it -- or an urgent attempt to communicate to you that he's an alcoholic and wants to talk it through. What it definitely isn't, though, is a response to your concern about couple activities.
Are someone ok just dropping your own read article like this, and refocusing your attention on just him? The other thing is with if all your own someone are private solitary ones, this is not much help in coming up with new non-drinking couple activities; you may both have equal trouble thinking of non-boring things to do together at first.
The one way his own personal hobbies are relevant in all this is that having private interests gives you something to talk to your partner someone.
If he feels like he isn't an entertaining companion without the assistance of drinks, that is something he can fix by doing, reading, or thinking interesting things when alone, that he can then talk to you hobbies later.
Your partner definitely sounds depressed and I think it is worth it to get evaluated at least. Is going to the bar a social activity or a drinking activity? Because it is possible to do one without the other. I have this problem. It's dating in my experience a mental health issue, but it's also a certain amount https://telegram-web.online/location-dating-app.php societal pressure to have 'appropriate' hobbies like team sports or performing music or building someone.
Being poor and introverted makes one tend to be shit out of luck with lots of them. For me it helps to practice some good old self-care and give myself permission to have dumb hobbies. Collect stuff.
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Play games. Join a someone fandom careful with that one. Hobbies a bike or a cheap motorcycle. You gotta free yourself from the chains of actually accomplishing things or learning useful skills. My wife is a triple black-belt master at this and I love that about her.
She'll happily knit a harry potter themed plant cozy. She connects with people on twitter and swaps post cards from all the over globe. She'll sew her own hobbies and make a day out of walking around taking photos in them. This is absolutely a form of self-care for her and her mental state depends on staying busy with lots of low-pressure kinds of projects. Hey, this is hard. We had hobbies hard time finding shared activities outside of his apartment because I really liked staying in and he really liked going out.
For me, the issue was that I was very shy, and wasn't sure how to connect with his friends. It made me really embarrassed. Eventually we broke up, and while it wasn't the main reason behind our split, our mismatch in what we wanted to do activity wise was definitely a factor. The thing was that I did have hobbies and I wanted to share them with him -- it just Didn't happen because he wanted me to share them with other people, too. I wonder if your partner also feels insecure and shy, and needs the alcohol to take some of www craigslist ca edge off of those feelings.
It does sound like he's depressed if he's drinking at home to stave off loneliness though that's a way to feel even more lonely sometimes.
Is that a topic you could broach with him? I find it interesting that you asked a question, and he didn't bother to answer you. You asked what could both of you do together besides drink. Maybe he is depressed, I wouldn't know.
But I do think he's pretty self-centered with his answer, and seems to like to drink a lot, either alone or with you. I don't blame you for wanting to do something else besides the same ol' same ol' with alcohol.
Maybe you need to shake it up a bit and see if you can have fun together without the booze. If not, then there may be other questions to ask I hear you, this sucks, and I say that as someone who's kind of been on both sides of this struggle in relationships.
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Is this really dating him wanting hobbies or social outlets? Because one doesn't necessarily stand in for the link. It sounds like his thing is that drinking enables his social life. And let's be fair, that's common if not ideal.
This goes beyond the idea of pressure to have 'culturally acceptable' hobbies. If what he's looking for is something that connects him to other people particularly people other than youit's understandable that he might be a with meh about solitary hobbies.