Image via WikiCommons. This is the free weekly version of this newsletter. In the least surprising news of the year, actor Leonardo DiCaprio has broken up with yet another girlfriend once she reached the ripe old age of But this is also one of those moments that I suspect we will look back on in 20 years and wonder why we thought it was humorous and not… pretty icky. Listen: Not all relationships that have a significant age gap are gross woman predatory. But the younger one of the participants, the grosser, and the greater the probability of manipulation, coercion, abuse, or just you are a really pathetic person.
A year-old dating a year-old or an year-old is fine. A year-old dating a year-old? Truly, deeply, extremely pathetic. Surely he meets a wide variety of attractive women who span all ages. There is something about women in this age range that DiCaprio, younger adult younger, finds uniquely attractive. I suspect it is that for a particular type of extremely insecure and self-involved man, teenage girls and earlys women are generally more pliable and forgiving than women their own age — particularly of older men who have resources, status, and authority.
Men who serially date significantly younger women are not looking for equal partners. These men woman indeed looking for someone who will admire them, who they can mold, and who will make them feel sophisticated and important.
The Problem With Men Who Date Much Younger Women
This is why a larger relationship age gap later in life is less and less of a problem: Article source first 25 or so years of life are each pretty long; as you age, each subsequent year becomes less and less woman in terms of maturity and life changes.
The years between 18 and, say, 30 are for most people completely transformative: You go from being a teenager to finishing your schooling to getting a job to actually growing into something resembling a future.
Your brain literally hits maturity. This past semester, I taught undergraduates at NYU, who were roughly 20 on average.
They were in a completely different life stage. Their day-to-day had almost nothing in common with mine, and neither did their concerns or stressors or woman. And that is as it should be. The experience of teaching undergraduates also drove home for me: wtf is wrong with male professors who are my age or older and seek out undergrads to date? Human beings are a diverse bunch, and relationships between individuals are complicated and unique.
Power is also not always an easily-defined thing, and it is not marked only by younger and status. I am sure there are some women in their early 20s who have had wonderfully egalitarian relationships with men in their 40s or beyond, and I am sure dating men were not at all insecure egomaniacs looking for someone they could mold and define and therefore unable to date dating their own age.
But then there are patterns — like the men who get older while their girlfriends stay the same age, or the men who seem to have an age cap of 25 even while they careen toward But power matters, not just in our politics younger our workplaces, but in our families and intimate relationships. And when men with significant power continually seek out women who have less, that should at least raise some eyebrows and send some eyes rolling.
What woman interesting to me is that a post on this topic was on Facebook, and I posted on it saying that I found it was creepy that a middle aged man would habitually break up with younger who reached their 25th birthday. Not only was I treated to several mansplaining responses telling me dating it's normal to see men of DiCaprio's age preferring young women.
But that most men feel the same. This horrified me because that would mean that women are considered much less attractive after age 25 and that a rich white guy with a young girl on his arm is still considered OK by our patriarchal culture. It would be telling to look at high profile men who champion themselves as "civil rights and women's rights' attorneys" and what their preferences are Those that "represent" women the "loudest" in the fight for visibility, equality, and respect frequently do not represent well in their personal lives.
A discussion on what psychologically drives a man to not choose a partner of their own generation and maturity but rather a younger intelligent woman is very helpful for young women who may not understand fully what they may miss as they live through their 20s and early 30s, an important beautiful and challenging time in their lifeif they are manipulated and controlled by one who is "wiser" and "established".
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Start Writing Get the app. Substack is the home for great culture. This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. Please turn on JavaScript or unblock scripts. Marycat Marycat Sep 1, What was interesting to me is that a post on this topic was on Hookup adapter trailer, and I posted on it saying that I found it was creepy that a middle aged man would habitually break up with dating who reached their 25th birthday. Expand full comment Reply Share.
Sep 2, It would be telling to look at high profile men who champion themselves as "civil rights and women's rights' attorneys" and what their preferences are