I never even had the thought of kissing a boy in my mind until I was in the eighth grade. Ever since that moment I began rushing through all the steps of hooking up. Now, three years later, I realize, why would they care about my body and what I choose to do with it?

Had they all really kissed someone already, probably not. So here I was, a thirteen year old girl, feeling like I had to rush to get my first kiss as if I was running out of time. I ended up having my toxic kiss at fourteen years old.

It was the third day of Freshman year and there was a new boy at our school. He was sixteen turning seventeen repeating freshman year for the second time. We went to his house and put on a movie.

He began leaning in to kiss me. Even since that moment I felt I had to get rid of that memory by having countless amounts of pointless hookups. Later that school year I got a this web page. He had lost his virginity at thirteen.

The Problem with Hooking Up

He seemed to not want to give up that experience with girls, so he decided to continue dating hookup but hook up with other girls, who were willing to go further.

After that relationship I went off the rails a bit with guys. I began hooking up with guys at every party I went to; constantly toxic guys and giving myself to them without any thought about it.

I felt as if I could do this without it taking a toll on me and boy was I mistaken. I ended up losing my virginity as a sophomore to a senior. After I got home I felt as if I was now worthy of a guy and could get anyone I culture.

I went on that summer hooking up with at least two guys in a month. I was extremely under the influence that entire night, as was everyone there. This was my first time meeting this boy. I knew nothing about him yet I decided to have sex with him during the party.

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I was completely humiliated. That next morning I only had a blurry memory of what had happened. I sat in my room for two whole days in the dark not eating, just crying nonstop. I then https://telegram-web.online/anonymous-dating-sites-free.php a kid in my school who was best friends with one of my guy best friends.

He began snapping me and flirting with me. I never wanted to be part of something like that because I knew what it felt like being on the other side of it and I never wanted to be responsible for causing that kind of pain. I invited him over that same night and we had sex. This went on for about a month toxic my mom found out. Immediately afterwards I cut things off for good. I am now trying to learn what it means to me to have sex with somone. I want to feel good about having sex and not just in the moment but afterwards as well.

In our culture today hookup culture has been so normalized, giving your body to someone you know nothing about. This puts some much pressure on girls and their bodies and here they are willing to do. This is a huge form of self destruction. So, to anyone reading this and struggling with this exact issue, just know you deserve better.

You deserve someone who respects culture and wants you for you, not just what you are willing to do. Most importantly, take your time. Consider using this time to get really curious about who you want to be right now and what is yours to do. Remain curious about any feelings that arise during these uncertain times. Now is the perfect time to work with a life coach who can help you strengthen the connections to yourself and others in your world. If you are a teen or a college-aged young woman who could use some guidance and support, visit my website WillseyConnections.

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