I married my wife over a year ago thinking that she was a typical woman from a similar background as myself. We both grew up in Flatbush and are more modern than our parents.
Slowly after we got married, she started wearing shorter and shorter skirts, and sometimes now even wears pants. While she use to say parts of Shacharis each morning, that has all but stopped. What should I do? We are curious if you have spoken about these Hashkafic issues before you got married?
Dear Hillary,
Did the two of you ever discuss what ideals, values and halachic norms you would share to in your future dating How did that conversation progress? Were you satisfied with the results? Are her actions a complete surprise to you or have vocabulary dating had conversations in the past that gave you a glimpse that this could be the direction she was heading towards in the future?
Did something recently happen, that has caused her to be less connected to Halacha? Advice do you feel its hypocritical for you to bring up these problems?
Dating Advice
What are you jewish that is not in line with Halacha? We know this is a difficult conversation to have, but this is a topic that must be disscussed immediately as her actions will not only impact dating but your future family as well.
Even though you may not feel that you have lived up to Torah standards of Halacha, and that you would feel hypocritical to bring these issues up, if this is not the way you want to live your life, now is the time to discuss this. As you would like this conversation to be productive choose a time to discuss it when things are calm in the home.
Start by telling her why you love and appreciate her, then bring up your points of concern. It is so crucial for both of you to each share your feelings, perspectives, and expectations.
Dear Rosie & Sherry,
You should ask her what values and practices she feels are important for herself, for you and then for your future children. Both of you should choose a community that matches your religious expectations, so your children will receive cohesive messages between the home and community. There might be a lot of emotions involved. If you find yourselves unable to discuss these differences or advice to consensus, or you jewish feel that you are no longer compatible for each other, seek professional guidance immediately.
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