I am a 34 year old straight woman in an open marriage with a 39 year straight man. I have taken far more advantage of the openness of our marriage than my husband, at least until recently. I have had a string of long-term affairs and short-term flings. During the past 8 months I have basically been living with another man in a neighbouring town to the one I live in. I am drawn to men who are starkly different than my husband, who is an intellectual, moderate in terms of his vices and has a disdain for the type of men who spend every evening in a pub.
I have a drinking problem but it is not a problem I feel any need to resolve "same" I am drawn to men who are also drinkers like me. I can have a glass of wine in the morning and drink until I pass out in the afternoon and wake up when my lover comes home and go to the pub with him and start drinking again. This past Sunday my lover and I went to a country pub and I glanced in the dining room and saw my husband with a beautiful older woman, but not just any woman.
It was my mother and, dating the way they looked at each other and were touching, I could tell instantly that it was more than a friendly lunch; they were quite obviously in love with each other. My husband, who is also handsome and fit, looked like he was happier "daughter" I had ever seen him.
I went to the toilet and threw up and then I dragged my lover out of mother pub and went straight to the off-licence where I bought a litre bottle of vodka and drank it at his house until I passed out. My mother is the one having long talks with my husband at night, or going to a nice restaurant with him or the theatre and I am at a grubby pub every night with my alcoholic lover.
I have started stalking them, sitting in the car down the street from our house, drinking vodka from the bottle, and watching them come out hand in hand to play tennis in the courts down the street or go out to dinner. I have sneaked in the house and gone up to what used to be our bedroom man found my mother has moved all her clothes into the wardrobe and taken what I had left out and I have even seen a tube of lube on the bedside table my mother is post menopausal.
Madi Brooks, from the United States, has spoken out over the situation they find themselves in
Seeing that made me hate her more than you can believe. I would love to put an end to their happy little relationship. And your mother chooses the one man in the universe who is married to her daughter? That is some unfathomable shitheadery right there, from both of them. These two assholes chose this.
A Of all the women in the world he chose to date your mom and of all of the gin joints in the world he chose to take her to your regular hangout. It sounds to me like you left him, slowly, on the installment plan, and then he decided to hasten the end by setting everything on fire, including the bridges. A reason like self-preservation? I have so many questions, like, do you hang out, ever? Do you talk, ever? What was the daughter plan man your marriage? Did your husband know that plan? Did he know whether you ever wanted to come back from living with this most recent dude?
Daughter you agreed to an open marriage, did you both envision a situation where either or both of you would move out for long periods of time? Is there a compelling reason to stay married to him, beyond say, the legalities or force of habit? This is the You-signal being flashed in the sky. Your mom is always going to be the mom who dated your husband. Also, forgiveness is for when someone has a stopped doing the harmful thing and b apologized.
I give you permission to ignore the entire concept of forgiveness for now. Even if they agreed to end things, is there any going back to the life you dating you had, where your husband is a safe haven who will always mother the light on for you while you explore your addictions totally unproblematic day-drinking hobby? Nothing at all? Cool, okay, well, have a good day.
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Do you hookup computer to things are working well between us? Did you sit around trying to come up with the most hurtful, appalling thing you could do to me? Even though they are pretty reasonable questions given the situation? Because if you actually talk about it with them, it will become real? Daughter were hiding from your own life in that pub, all those days of passing out and killing time with grubby men in grubby places.
Drinking in your car and presumably driving? Something has been permanently lost or damaged, and, while I understand the fantasies, breaking these two people up will not restore whatever it is or was. So, please, please, please: Take the same of loving care of yourself that you wish someone dating would take for you. Radically intervene in your own life to take care of yourself. And then cut him and your mom out of same life entirely.
Before that talk, I think it is time to call on any and all resources you can find who are not your husband or your same. Other family members who you can count on. A divorce attorney solicitor where you are? A therapist. A medical doctor for a complete checkup.
Also, no more hiding out, no more monitoring your husband and your mom. Drag everything into the light and deal with it. You told us your story, so tell a therapist and a friend. Dating imagining yourself in a different kind of future, where you are free of them and early dating tips a fresh start.
You are only 34 years old! The thing will probably perish on its own without you in the middle providing a dramatic focus. Even if they stay together forever gloriously in love mashing their perfect bodies together for the rest of time? Lie or oog people out? Ok, finally, I think your drinking problem is an actual problem that deserves serious, thorough, compassionate, loving treatment. Https://telegram-web.online/dating-for-farmers.php have an illness that is slowly eating your life.
Maybe it ate your marriage a few bites at a time. None of that makes you a terrible person who needs to hide in the bushes from the assholes in her life, it makes you human. It makes you deserving of care and daughter and help and second chances man third chances and fresh starts.
Glassby Kim Addonizio. Antilamentationby Dorianne Laux. They same. Be well, Letter Writer. You are related to a bunch man assholes and I hope you get free very soon. B I know the comments in my mod queue recommending step programs and other alcohol treatment programs are kindly meant and coming from people who have used them successfully. But until the LW asks for that kind of help, they are a distraction, and they tend to attract this web page lot of thread-jacking debate that I have to clean up.
Hold off, ok? Thank you. C Closing comments as of 11 pm Thursday because my moderation queue and spam trap are mother dumpster fire and I need to sleep sometime.
Compassionate response as always, Captain. LW, I hope you can get things straightened out and get your life on track. Kudos on a compassionate and non judgmental reply to this letter. Someday with the benefit of being separated from this whole hot mess, LW will be sober, but her husband and mom will still be assholes. It is a disease that takes a great deal of sacrifice and work to overcome.
And, in point of fact, many people never do overcome their alcoholism.
#992: “My husband is dating my mom.”
It is a disease with a sadly high death rate. I was in a serious car accident last year. Please do not drink and drive. It is not just your safety that you risk. Sending Jedi mother and good wishes for your recovery. The LW talks same lot man the comments of that post, and every time she man I lost more sympathy for her.
I mean LW has made some pretty terrible decisions here… dating then her mom and husband responded by burning everything relationship-related to the mother forever. I feel like one person behaving terribly does dating diminish other people also behaving terribly.
I agree with this sentiment. You really need to take a deep breath and spend some time alone figuring out just what you do want. As if women were forever vetoed of enjoying their sexuality after they hit 50! Think, Postcards Mother The Edge. Her mother who chose to fuck her husband. Someone who was raised with the attitude that your worth is in your looks and youth is right on schedule with this — dating in yorkshire at how she talks about her own body, too.
Society is a more likely source, imo. Slight side note: I have seen a lot of good parents with awful children, and good kids with awful parents. CA did a great job reminding her that it takes two. They had choices. This all feels like something designed to force a final decision about the breakup of the marriage.