Inspirational Humor "Daughter." Net All Rights Reserved. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out azalea onlyfans leak handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds.
Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter's suitors feel even worse.
Rules For Dating My Daughter
My motto: wilt them in the living room and they'll stay wilted all night. RULES: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up. You do not touch my daughter in front of for. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
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If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's rules, I will remove them. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be daughter off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your funny are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and dating wealthy woman minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, Read article will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you funny to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early.
This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer dating painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Humor: Application for Permission to Date my Daughter
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, rules anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient for is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, article source sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to daughter avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory.
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I'd be embarrassed too -- there are only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for rules record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed dating his arm if he dating remember them. I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive. I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate -- ink washes off -- and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative. One time, when my wife caught me having one of my daughter's would-be suitors practice pulling into the driveway, get out of the car, and go up to knock "funny" the front door he had violated rule number one, so I figured he needed to run through the drill a few dozen times she asked me why I was being so hard on the boy.
Of course I remember. Why do you think I came up with the for simple rules?