Posted September 24, Sex addicts use behaviors rather than substances as coping mechanisms. However, once in therapythere inevitably comes a day when the sex addict is ready dating embark on that daunting journey we call dating. For a man free over dating websites has spent years, if not decades, relating to porn actresses on a computer screen, encountering a flesh and blood partner can seem unpredictable and terrifying.
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The first major challenge is time. The sex addict is used to instant gratification, sex may not have the patience to invest in a long term relationship that builds gradually through shared interests and time spent getting to know one another. Compulsive sex addict the fast food of relationships, and developing a taste for the slow-cooked meal may take some time. Here the experienced therapist can be of huge assistance by reminding the sex addict that dating is not a race, nor a competitionbut rather an adventure into the complete unknown where everything the addict thought they knew about intimacy turned out to be false, and a whole new universe must open up in order to move forward.
The second challenge is transparency. Before recovery, the sex addict made decisions independently, choosing who to date, whom to have sex with, who to contact and what acts to participate in. Of course, these choices brought the addict much pain, and now post-recovery, he or she must tolerate a temporary loss of autonomy, sharing with a therapist, a step group sponsor and even a support group the site minutia of their dating process.
Here the addict may long to keep just one or two secrets, but to do so would be counterproductive to the entire recovery process. Instead go here seeing transparency as a punishment or a hindrance, the addict must come sex view it as rock-solid security measure again potential relapsewhere relapse would eliminate all chances at personal happiness.
The realm of healthy dating may seem strange for other reasons as well. Sometimes the addict has been off the dating scene for years and is returning dating an older dating.
Here the therapist can offer gentle, loving encouragement to try giving people their own age a chance.
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Regardless sex the particular brand of sex addictionthis stage of reentry into the dating pool site critical for every sex addict. It cannot be rushed, underestimated or addict alone anymore than the early emergency stages of site could be when the addict was hitting bottom.
This time around, however, the addict has a true shot at real joy — if he or she can trust the process. Alexandra Katehakis, Ph. A diagnosis often brings relief, but it can also come with as many questions as answers. Alexandra Katehakis Ph. Posted September 24, Share. About the Author. More from Alexandra Katehakis Ph. More from Psychology Today. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Mental Health.
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