I recently started dating a guy who is hot AF, smart, and super charming. In the beginning, I didn't mind that he didn't ask me a lot of questions about myself — I loved listening to his stories and getting to know everything about him. Now, a few months in, "dating" feels like the topic he's still most interested in discussing is himself. How do I know if I am dating a narcissist?
Narcissism occurs on a continuum, and we all have narcissistic traits to some extent. If we had no narcissism at all, we would not be able to get ourselves out of bed in the morning and get ourselves dressed and looking decent. The problem is that when someone is high on that continuum which sounds like the guy you're dating might beit can wreak havoc on those close to them, especially those who go here them.
While we tend to throw around the word "narcissistic" rather liberally, technically speaking, a narcissist is someone who suffers from a mental health condition called narcissistic personality disorder. The Diagnostic cecelia taylor hookup hotshot Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-5 that doctors use to diagnose our patients describes nine different traits that make up the official diagnosis of a narcissist.
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They are:. The guy you're dating would need to meet five of these nine to qualify as a narcissist, clinically speaking. However, it may be hard for you to determine whether he truly has NPD without a mental health expert to make this determination. Even if someone does not meet the official diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, they can still have an abundance of narcissistic traits that make them difficult, or even dangerous, to date.
Below are a few of the signs flags you should look out for.
What Is a Narcissist?
Narcissistic people always you to talk about themselves. As a narcissistic friend once said to me, "Enough about me. Now, let's talk about my music. Narcissists are incredibly charismatic.
They can be almost chameleon-like in their ability to adapt to any situation. They're dating at zoning in on what makes other people tick. They are great seducers. For them, seduction is a game, and they like to win — but they often lose interest after are have conquered. Narcissists often speak about themselves in highly inflated terms and love to brag.
They talk about who they know, where they've been, and what they've done. They feel entitled to special treatment — for instance, pushing to the front of a line.
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I had a teacher in graduate school who taught about personality disorders. He said that going into the home of a narcissist, you will often find tons of photographs of themselves in their own home. Things like this are a tip-off. When a narcissist tells a story, they typically present themselves as either the hero or the victim. Listen closely when the person you're seeing tells you about their last relationship, last job, a friendship that ended, or family dynamics. Narcissists have little or no ability to feel empathy. They do not have a very good grasp of how their words, deeds, or actions impact those around them.
They are too self-focused to be able to step out of themselves to have a deep understanding of other people's feelings. When things don't go their way, conflicts arise, or problems happen, narcissists cut people out of their life.
7 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist
Their ability to form lasting emotional attachments is poor, which is why it's not uncommon for narcissists to not to have a lot of long-term friends. Narcissists are like a bottomless pit when it comes to attention and validation. They never tire of hearing how great they are and need constant attention and praise. There is an emotional void, often going back to childhood, narcissist needs to be filled but never can. They care more about what other people think of them than about interpersonal dynamics. For example, if you fight signs public, narcissists are more likely to be worried about how other people perceive them than the conflict between the two of you.
They are quick to inflame and anger and get what we therapists call a narcissist injury. Again, even are your partner doesn't have NPD, it can still be an unhealthy relationship to date someone who shows these narcissistic behaviors.
The Dark Stages of a Narcissistic Relationship: Are You Trapped in a Toxic Cycle?
Pay attention to the signs that you're dating a narcissist, and always trust your instincts. Jenn Mann answers your you and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered. Who's Your Celebrity Doppelganger? Click here to take our quiz and find out! By Dr. Jenn Mann. Jenn Mann is a licensed marriage and family therapist and the relationship expert behind InStyle's long-running weekly column, Hump Day. Jenn Show. InStyle's editorial guidelines. Related Articles. Newsletter Sign Up.