This series explores how sex and relationships in college impact our growth and understanding of self. We talk to a whole host of Bruins on different issues.
We talk about being sex positive while choosing abstinence, and sorority how being in a sorority impacts sex and relationship dynamics. Hope you enjoy. But sorority perception has definitely shifted over time from basically wanting to have sex with anyone to now feeling a certain level of seriousness with choosing who I have sex with.
KE : Have there been specific instances that made you not want to continue life in this way? E : Yeah, I can just get into sharing about my ex-situationship, which I feel, shifted sorority perception of sex a lot.
So I was seeing this guy in high school.
The Sex Lives of Bruins: Sororities and Selectivity
And I came to college. And I was just still so obsessed with him and started just having sex with so many random people. And I would see him on breaks. And it went on for like a year of just us talking and seeing each other, but then also me being in college and having sex with other random people.
And then I remember he hookup to visit LA, sophomore year, and we hooked up. At this point, I knew it was an extremely toxic relationship.
But I still hooked up with him, and I was really embarrassed about it and upset with myself. And yeah, that sort of was the tipping point for me. E : Not necessarily like the inherent act of sex is disrespectful. People talk about this a lot with male validation. And I remember when I was sort of in my hoe phase, I would love to tell my friends about it.
Is that something that you relate to in your friend groups? Or do people feel pretty supportive and sex positive? E : I would say people click at this page my circles are very sex positive. I think UCLA is a huge school, so people probably have different experiences depending on their different circles that they interact with. But then I also think people who shame others for having sex might be doing it out of insecurity in themselves in their own past sexual partners.
E : Yes, I had a very toxic friend in high school. She had a lot of sex at a very young age, and I think that was rooted in a lot of insecurities, but she sort of wanted to involve our entire friend group in sex culture. But I remember he snapped me one day when we were at school. And I know that she really regretted it. And yeah, that was an extremely toxic experience. KE : I know, you mentioned that your opinions about sex have changed a lot from high school to college.
Have your opinions about romantic relationships changed as well? E : Yes, I think I now value my independence a lot more than I used to. Not having that has forced me into being more independent.
And I just developed things about myself that I really liked, and I developed extremely strong friendships and interests and just feel so much more grounded now in myself, that the idea of having a romantic relationship and inviting someone into that space of my own life is a lot less appealing.
I view them as a partnership rather than a mutual obsession. PB : I like what you said click here the mutual obsession thing. E : I definitely agree with that. But I also have seen a lot of toxic college hookup. I think that growing up, I thought that college students are more mature than they actually are. I see my friends get into really unhealthy relationships. Due to that mutual obsession thing. And I think to be in a truly healthy relationship, you need to be so secure in your own sense of self.
E : A situationship is a repeated sexual encounter. I think it can range. And yeah, not having those honest conversations sorority make something into a potential relationship. E : Not for me, I would say. I always thought I could do a friends-with-benefits type of situation. I think sex is inherently, for me, so emotional. But at least for me, I started wanting to have sex because I wanted validation and I wanted it to bring me confidence and make me think someone thought I was hot.
E : Well, no, because I do think that the validation from having sex is really nice. I think masturbation exists to fill that void of getting the sexual pleasure without any of the other emotional factors. KE : How important do you think the human connection aspect of sex is?
Of knowing who your partner is? And I need to feel like the other person sees me as a hookup with feelings. I know some people are into that. Hookup : Yeah, I have.
Sunday, Oct. 27, 2024
Freshman year, towards the end of freshman year, I met a guy on Bumble. Honestly, I think dating apps are awesome. KE : How read more being on dating apps and trying to talk to guys at parties affected your self-esteem? E : Okay, so sort of, after Sorority had sorority, after I wrote my ex off, basically, or hookup ex-situationship, I had a really long period of not seeking out sex, or seeking out men at all.
And that was some of the best times of my life, honestly, going to parties and just being with my friends and meeting new friends, and really securing who I was, and getting super into my hobbies. That was a — it was a really great time. It is a really great feeling.
And I would say hookup to a party and not looking around for a potential hookup go here the party so much more fun. And it is so much more fun to just dance. Also, when I was not looking for guys at all, my self-esteem was very high because I was not facing any rejection whatsoever. And it just felt amazing, honestly, would recommend. KE : Do you think belonging to a sorority has significantly impacted the sex culture that surrounds you?
E : Yes, dating someone schizoaffective disorder the sense of like, a heightened interaction with frats and knowledge about frats. PB : Could you talk more about date party politics? Hookup is a date party? What does it mean to invite someone? E : Okay, so a date party is a sorority event and frats have them too.
The sorority pays for it, and everyone can invite one person. E : Yeah. Or not necessarily have sex, but like hook up with. Or do you view it as the same? E : Yeah, I mean, sorority well, the fact that a frat formal is a sleepover is a pretty clear indication and distinction, in my opinion. One of our friends went on a date party that was a setup, and I think it was a super uncomfortable experience for her.
If a frat guy took another frat guy, that would be much more looked down upon. But that also has a lot to do with opinion wanda the dating game remarkable, as well. KE : Have you ever felt there was a heightened expectation for sex at these events versus non-affiliated parties? E : A raid is an event between one frat and one sorority. So I think there is that sense going into it, of like, this is a great opportunity to meet someone at a frat.
But at the same time, I think fraternity men are super awkward. And sometimes, there will be a little bit of a gender segregation at them. KE : Do you think the expectation is different for sorority members going into the parties versus hookup members going into the parties?
E : Yes, I think that frat guys, Sorority think they look at these events as ways to hook up with girls. Or is that possible? Does that exist? And I think they judge sororities based on attractiveness and choose whether to go to the events based on that as well. PB : In your sex culture and Greek Life sex culture, is there a large emphasis on safe sex?
Like condoms, STD tests, testing, etc. E : I think in my friend groups, safe sex is very prioritized. Yeah, very important. PB : Oh low key, yeah. Which is probably a bad thing, right? Because like the non-frat, indie boy.
Self-proclaimed feminists.