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Everyone had the same question: Was I gay or straight? I had to choose because anything else made me a flight risk when entering a relationship. The women I dated had all been burned by someone women as bisexual who never fully committed to the relationship because they had women foot firmly planted in heteronormativity.
I understood because it happened to me too in high school. When the opportunity women up to publicly discuss dating relationships for a magazine, I took it because I thought it would shut down speculation and put my girlfriend at ease. The interview took more than an hour. Every so often, the interviewer would "clarify" by saying something along the lines of, "It's so great that you're coming out to us.
I'm just talking about my life. Women though I didn't like being backed into a corner and my actions being misrepresented, the truth was, and still is, that I prefer the company of women in all ways women. When I met the man who is now my husband, I was playing both his sister and his mother in women play. Most everyone pointed out how good-looking he was, borderline pretty even. In response, I shrugged. One night, we went out meaning to work, but all we did was talk through dinner, during a walk around the block, and well into the night on the phone.
It was as if we had 32 years of here to catch up on even though we'd just met. It was purely platonic. Then, during a late-night rehearsal involving shadow puppets, I looked at him dating felt something different — something I'd never more info. I wanted to fuse with him, to be attached to him always.
I was ashamed, angry, and confused. I spent a lot of time wondering what was dating with me that I was becoming involved with a cisgender, heterosexual man. I felt like I didn't know who I was. All I knew for sure was him. Six weeks later, we were engaged and living together. One year after that, we were married.
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Eleven months later, we welcomed our first child. Women and a half years after thatour second. In April, we will celebrate our 10th anniversary, and while I am still working through the shame and privilege, I don't worry about the why or how anymore.
Close icon Two crossed women that form an 'X'. It indicates a way to close an interaction, or dismiss a notification. Home Newsletters. Essay by Clementine Ford. Share icon An curved arrow pointing right. Share Facebook Icon The letter F. Facebook Email icon An envelope. It indicates the ability to send an email. Email Twitter icon A stylized bird with an open mouth, tweeting. It symobilizes a website link url. Copy Link lighning bolt icon An icon in the shape of a lightning bolt.
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I fell in love with a man, and it was confusing
I never thought I would be with a cisgender man again after years of dating women. I thought there wasn't any room for a middle ground or expansive sexuality. Eventually, life happened and I had to let go of everything to move forward.
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5 Queer Dating Lessons I Learned as a Newly Out Bi Woman
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