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You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loose that they appear to be falling off. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants rules sizes too big, and I will not object.

However, to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during your date with my daughter, I will use my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.

Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sportspoliticsand other issues of the day.

Please do not do this.

Ten Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.

If you want to be on time for the movieyou should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than rules the Golden Gate Bridge. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.

Rules For Dating My Daughter

Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there free dating sites with free messaging dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where dating ambient temperature is warm enough for my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.

Movies with a strong romantic or daughter theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks dating are better.

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a hook up australia free, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.

Do not trifle with me. Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a daughter coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi.

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When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car—there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face watching you from the window is mine.

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