So you're thinking about joining an established couple. That might mean dating someone who is already part of an existing couple, or maybe dating couples members of an existing couple.
Being involved romantically with someone does not make the pain of losing a relationship any less. Likewise, if you are interested in both members of an existing couple, say so.
Boundaries Aren’t Magic
By defining the parameters up front about who you expect to be intimate with, you dating avoid a lot of grief down the road. This combines two of the most common poly mistakes—trying to force relationships to fit a predefined shape, and expecting different relationships to develop the same way—into one.
Doing this may impose unrealistic expectations on you; even if you were to date identical twins, it would be reasonable to couples each relationship to develop differently! Remember, you may be dating a couple, but each person in that couple is still an individual.
Highlights
Even the slightest trace of misunderstanding, ambiguity, or wishful thinking can quickly escalate into a full-fledged meltdown. If you have any questions, go to the person involved directly. Maintaining a successful relationship with one half of a couple often relies on good communication with both members of that couple. This might sound elementary. Read it again, anyway. Regardless dating whether or not you are dating both members of the couple, a relationship exists between you and both members of that couple, in the sense that each of them can have an impact on the shape your relationship takes.
If one member of the couple wants to have nothing to do with you, wants no contact or communication with you, or seems reluctant to even acknowledge couples existence, take this as a warning sign. The likelihood is rather high that this will lead check this out grief down the road.
At the very least, it makes asking for the things you need significantly more difficult, and it forces your partner to separate her relationship with her other partner from her relationship with you, making time management, scheduling, and communication more challenging.
Understand that whether you are dating both halves dating a couple, or forming a V relationship, there is an existing bond that is very important to the people concerned.
Polyamory After an Affair
The strength of that bond directly impacts the amount of love and energy available to you—the stronger the bond, the more goodies for you. You cannot fix a broken relationship. The stronger their relationship, the better the foundation for your relationship; and the more problems exist in their relationship, the more problems will likely occur in yours.
Be clear what you need and expect from a relationship, couples be clear that your lover or lovers are willing and able to meet your needs dating expectations, or at least treat them with respect. Just as importantly, seek to understand why those rules exist; that way, you avoid the dangers inherent in obeying the letter of the rules but violating their spirit.
This includes your rules and your feelings. You have the right to make yourself heard. If you feel that a rule is unreasonable, or if a rule is actively acting against your interests, or if some agreement on the part of the couple excludes you from getting what you need from the relationship, say so.
Guide to Dating a Couple
There is no shame in asking for what you need, and if you do not ask for what you need, you can not reasonably expect to have what you need. Understand, couples, that asking for something does not and should not automatically mean you get it. It is longer-lived. It operates on a different set of rules.
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But it is NOT more important. Remember that while you may sometimes miss out on time with more info lover sdue to competing commitments, you will often get better-quality loving, because you are not always available and therefore dating for granted like the long-term partner. With grateful acknowledgement to Jenny So you're thinking about joining an established couple Read more might mean dating someone who is already part of an existing couple, or maybe dating both members of an existing couple.
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